“Everybody wants to find out their boss’s secrets. Which led Colbert to wonder: “Why are you rejecting all information? Aren’t you the least bit curious about all the crazy shit Trump did? You don’t even need to do anything about it, just vote to find out what it was! On party-line votes, Republicans rejected seeing records from the White House, evidence from the state department, documents from the Office of Management and Budget and defense department, and subpoenas for testimony by John Bolton and Mick Mulvaney. Colbert reached a quick conclusion: “We’re doomed.” The second was Gritty, the controversial Philadelphia Flyers mascot. It’s thus no surprise, he continued, that the day’s No 1 trending topic on Twitter was … Mr Peanut. “He laid out the case against the president clearly, passionately, cogently, and I believe courageously, because whether or not Trump is removed from office, history will not forgive those who look the other way at his abuses, or forget those who stepped into the breach at this moment of crisis.” Representative Adam Schiff relayed the heart of the House’s impeachment case on the Senate floor, and “it was gratifying to see someone take the constitutional responsibility of their office seriously,” Colbert said. “Also, I would like $130,000 to forget I ever met him.” Wednesday marked the first day of arguments in the Senate impeachment trial, and “if Mitch McConnell has his way, this trial will go just like Donald Trump’s dating career: quick and disappointing and no questions asked,” said Stephen Colbert on The Late Show. “Even if Trump is re-elected,” Bee concluded, “this Ukraine story will haunt him until the blessed day when he’s forcibly plunged out of the White House like a toilet clog.” Stephen Colbert “Look, guys, we know you’re going to acquit Trump, but do you really think that will be the end? You think there won’t be any more accomplices who snitch on Trump to protect themselves, or any more journalists who dig up proof of his guilt? “Republicans are setting themselves up for trouble by not hearing the evidence,” Bee concluded. If that evidence were “any more of a smoking gun, Don Jr would be holding it over a dead elephant”, said Bee. Perhaps most damning is a note Parnas wrote on Ritz-Carlton stationery in which he explicitly stated his goal to get Zelenskiy to investigate Joe Biden. Parnas’s evidence includes a letter from Giuliani to the Ukrainian president, Volodymyr Zelenskiy, in which he says he’s acting with the president’s “knowledge and consent” – “ironically, the president’s two least favorite things”, joked Bee – and texts exchanged with Ukraine’s then prosecutor general in which Parnas says he’s “prepared to your opponent” in exchange for firing the American ambassador to Ukraine.
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